Enough Said

Did you know that you actually tore my heart out of chest? It's almost completely healed now...but I feel like I have some things to say. It started out great, our first year was our best, you taught me things I would have never been exposed to. You showed me who I really was and I liked how I turned out. You taught me how to laugh at myself and how to have fun....but you also showed me what its really like to cry and how hard life really is outside of my own and that things aren't sugar coated. You opened my eyes to a world where I feel naked, but im glad it happend. In our second year, we struggled, but we tried really hard to keep ot going. College brought us our independence and we both embraced it.We met new people and changed our lives...almost to the point where we changed us. Something happend along the way that changed our connection.We fought about things we shouldn't have and said some things we didn't mean leaving behind some memories I wish I could erase. Looking back I understand why it ended. We became different people and drifted apart. We have different living styles and our moral outlook is different. We are at different maturity levels and could not make it work. I also learned from you that I can change and grow and be stronger than I ever thought I could be. You also showed me what to look for in the next relationship, which is important to me. What I don't understand is why you did not tell me about what happend to you this summer. Yes, I know. Im dissapointed...you know better. Your life path is delicate. You may never read this, but if you do, you'll know this is for you and I want to tell you not to fuck up your life. You know your circumstances and you know what your life could be like if you don't handle it correctly. I never understood it. I don't know if I ever will. Even though its taken me months to ease the pain, im almost done healing and I want you to know im fine without you. I reminisce sometimes, but im moving on without you. Im growing by myself and I wouldn't change anything at all. Thanks for everything. You've changed me forever.
Devon

Contemplative

Do you ever stop and just process everything? I mean do you ever stop to allow yourself to catch up with the pace of your life? Its hard to let it sink in sometimes. Im a second semester sophomore...im halfway done with my college career after this semester...and im scared. Not so much that I won't be successful...because I will be...I just feel like its moving way too fast. On my twentieth birthday, it hit me like the feeling when you get the wind knocked out of you. I could barely breathe haha actually I had a panic attack...not so sure if it was that more so my claustrophobia kicked in with a party of 200 kids in a three foot wide hallway. But..I hafta grow up now, weather i like it or not, its gonna happen. I don't think im ready. I have so much learning to do in the next two years. I feel young, but old at the same time...maybe not old, but grown up. I no longer think that the guy with the bad ass attitude is the one for me...I know the consequences to my actions, I can make my own decisions...even if they aren't always the right ones. I just feel like im in limbo between adult and kid....I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I mean my parents still cannot believe they are in their mid forties and have three kids....maybe I won't grow up, Ill just look older and enjoy the ride...Ill let life happen to me and just go along with it...? Eventually....im just gonna jump