Enough Said

Did you know that you actually tore my heart out of chest? It's almost completely healed now...but I feel like I have some things to say. It started out great, our first year was our best, you taught me things I would have never been exposed to. You showed me who I really was and I liked how I turned out. You taught me how to laugh at myself and how to have fun....but you also showed me what its really like to cry and how hard life really is outside of my own and that things aren't sugar coated. You opened my eyes to a world where I feel naked, but im glad it happend. In our second year, we struggled, but we tried really hard to keep ot going. College brought us our independence and we both embraced it.We met new people and changed our lives...almost to the point where we changed us. Something happend along the way that changed our connection.We fought about things we shouldn't have and said some things we didn't mean leaving behind some memories I wish I could erase. Looking back I understand why it ended. We became different people and drifted apart. We have different living styles and our moral outlook is different. We are at different maturity levels and could not make it work. I also learned from you that I can change and grow and be stronger than I ever thought I could be. You also showed me what to look for in the next relationship, which is important to me. What I don't understand is why you did not tell me about what happend to you this summer. Yes, I know. Im dissapointed...you know better. Your life path is delicate. You may never read this, but if you do, you'll know this is for you and I want to tell you not to fuck up your life. You know your circumstances and you know what your life could be like if you don't handle it correctly. I never understood it. I don't know if I ever will. Even though its taken me months to ease the pain, im almost done healing and I want you to know im fine without you. I reminisce sometimes, but im moving on without you. Im growing by myself and I wouldn't change anything at all. Thanks for everything. You've changed me forever.
Devon

Contemplative

Do you ever stop and just process everything? I mean do you ever stop to allow yourself to catch up with the pace of your life? Its hard to let it sink in sometimes. Im a second semester sophomore...im halfway done with my college career after this semester...and im scared. Not so much that I won't be successful...because I will be...I just feel like its moving way too fast. On my twentieth birthday, it hit me like the feeling when you get the wind knocked out of you. I could barely breathe haha actually I had a panic attack...not so sure if it was that more so my claustrophobia kicked in with a party of 200 kids in a three foot wide hallway. But..I hafta grow up now, weather i like it or not, its gonna happen. I don't think im ready. I have so much learning to do in the next two years. I feel young, but old at the same time...maybe not old, but grown up. I no longer think that the guy with the bad ass attitude is the one for me...I know the consequences to my actions, I can make my own decisions...even if they aren't always the right ones. I just feel like im in limbo between adult and kid....I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I mean my parents still cannot believe they are in their mid forties and have three kids....maybe I won't grow up, Ill just look older and enjoy the ride...Ill let life happen to me and just go along with it...? Eventually....im just gonna jump

Drugs

If you do drugs, this may not be a good blog to read, although i dont think anyone reads my blogs anyways, im going to go on a ranting spree to get some things off my chest. Marijuana, what the big deal about it!? It is not even that FUN! When people do it, they just sit there like lumps on a log, nothing happens, no one does anything extraordinary, people just veg. I dont understand why people think its soooo cool and dangerous to try it. Although it makes you feel good....hell...so does chocolate! Why not eat that instead!? It literally does kill brain cells..I mean how many people do you know who did pot their whole lives who are ultimately successful...HMMM! Well I dont know ANY. I know people who did do it their entire lives and they are working for retail jobs and go from job to job paycheck to paycheck. I know this is a serious generalization...but it applies to the people I know. I can't even carry a conversation with people who are high ....they have no idea what they are talking about...their memory fails them the minute they open their mouth, talking in circles ...(sigh). It has been a problem for me in all of my relationships....whats the need to do it? He says, its not addictive, therefore its not a drug...WHAT?? how does that make sense?? If it is illegal, thats a big deal in itself...its a drug that shouldnt be in the public...its not on the market for a reason! If it isnt addictive, then why not just stop doing it?? Another thing I dont get is how some people think that after they try pot, why other drugs sound much better! Why out due yourself...trying other drugs to get a better high....its just stupid and risky. Ive known several kids who have gone down that road and they are heading nowhere fast...no college...married ...on welfare....use all the money for drugs...no food...starving...kicked out from their parents home....really Is it worth all that? To do drugs just to get a temporary sensation that makes you feel good!? Doing drugs is a cop out. If you really feel that there isnt something better to do with your life and you feel that the only way you will be happy is if you do drugs, you are taking an easy route. It is much harder to find happiness in your own life sober, but its much more worth while. Heres a challenge, why dont you try a day drug free and stop- and realize all the beautiful simple things in life that can make you happy without drugs...how much you have missed while you were high and dealing and using and now you've got nothing left but no money and an addiction....Think About That.

Sammy

Sammy, shes sitting here sleeping next to me....eyes like little slits and shallow breathing. Shes got dark, but aging fur....grey surrounds her maybellene eyes and muzzle...so soft! Shes been our family protector and companion for eleven years. Giving us kisses when we return home, and she sings her sweet puppy melody as if she hasnt seen us in years. How nice it is, to come home to someone who you can count on loving you no matter what and ready to give wet kisses whenever you please! Shes lovely. Dainty little steps and trotting, she walks like a woman in heels...although old, shes Divine and has all of the attention of the young and older gentlemen doggy friends in the neighborhood. She the queen bee, the princess...does what she pleases. She strolls around the neighborhood at night, mysterious and cunning, playing games with the rabbits and catching chipmunks for fun. She is my doggy, my Sammy and I adore her.

Spidey 3

Spider Man 3 came out on Friday and my boyfriend and I saw it the day it came out. It was really good, but it wasn't what I expected at all. Spider Man becomes evil and he turns into somewhat of an "emo kid" after his life takes a few wrong turns. He starts from clean cut and friendly neighbor to an eyeliner wearing, vengeful, hating person that wears a black costume rather than his original red and blue costume. The movie also ends with him not getting the girl....but watching her walk away. He blew his chance after publicly humiliating her and beating her in a restaurant after she breaks up with him to save his life. I was a little bummed that MJ and Peter Parker did not get married. Well I did love the fact that this film had more funny moments than previous spider man movies. There were several scenes in which a very uncoordinated Peter struts his sexy emo stuff down the street while dancing and pointing at women in NY....hmmm haha. Well I would see it again...it was pretty entertaining

Titanic

Do you remember when Titanic came out and all ofthe girls swooned over Leo DiCaprio and how handsome he was!? How old were we? Ten? maybe 8? I watched it today and my roomate and I almost pooped our pants we were so excited. What made this movie so popular?? If you think about it...the plot was already made up. The only shokcing part was the actual effects when the ship sank...but people LOVE this movie. I know my mom and I have watched it at least ten times...thats a lot of time on our hands! welllll I havent finished it yet...so im gonna get to it...

Good songs

I have been addicted to the following songs lately, "Sparks" by coldplay, "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne, "I want it all" by hmmm dunno, "your do damn hot" by OK Go... and hmm o yes "Cupid's Chokehold" by Gym Class Heroes. I love these songs, they are grrreat. I like sparks especially because it reminds me of wedding crashers. I love wedding crashers not just because it is HILARIOUS but also because it was the movie I saw on my first date with my boyfriend of two years. Its good stuff