Contemplative

Do you ever stop and just process everything? I mean do you ever stop to allow yourself to catch up with the pace of your life? Its hard to let it sink in sometimes. Im a second semester sophomore...im halfway done with my college career after this semester...and im scared. Not so much that I won't be successful...because I will be...I just feel like its moving way too fast. On my twentieth birthday, it hit me like the feeling when you get the wind knocked out of you. I could barely breathe haha actually I had a panic attack...not so sure if it was that more so my claustrophobia kicked in with a party of 200 kids in a three foot wide hallway. But..I hafta grow up now, weather i like it or not, its gonna happen. I don't think im ready. I have so much learning to do in the next two years. I feel young, but old at the same time...maybe not old, but grown up. I no longer think that the guy with the bad ass attitude is the one for me...I know the consequences to my actions, I can make my own decisions...even if they aren't always the right ones. I just feel like im in limbo between adult and kid....I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I mean my parents still cannot believe they are in their mid forties and have three kids....maybe I won't grow up, Ill just look older and enjoy the ride...Ill let life happen to me and just go along with it...? Eventually....im just gonna jump