I usually can see these things coming, but I really wanted this one to work out....

why do I still miss him?

Amusing Lyrics

Rock N' Roll-Eric Hutchinson

He’s been waiting around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
To make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night

If he wanna rock he rocks
If he wanna roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wanna stay he stays
If he wanna go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forget the topical regrets
'Cause If she comes home all alone the nights a bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust if only in the morning
She knew where she lived

'Cause If she wanna rock she rocks
If she wanna roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wanna stay she stays
If she wanna go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They sing

If they wanna rock they rock
If they wanna roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they wanna stay they stay
If they wanna go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na...

How many times must I break before I am finally in pieces?

Just let me be. Get off me. Stop suffocating me. Trust me, I can make my own decisions. Don't second guess me. I do things for me. I own things for me. Understand more, control less. Be a guide, not an obstacle. There are things beyond my control. I dont bend that way. You cant make me fit into a mold that you made. I won't be who you want me to be so stop trying. Accept. Embrace. You can't change me. I won't change for you. Let me go and let me grow.

damn lucky

This summer I could have died. Not once, but twice. If I think about it, I could have died several times this summer. I should consider myself damn blessed. A bump in my back was found and thought to be suspicious. I was almost hit by a car when crossing the tolls in Boston. I got in a car accident damaging my car with a total of $2,000 worth of damage and I was left untouched. Blessed? I think so.

a separate piece

There are times when I feel like I am on a seperate course than everyone else. I don't know why, but I have the feeling I am the way I am for a very specific purpose. I sometimes feel as though I have the innocent playfullness of a six yer old child that so many of my friends have lost....some are lucky enough to have kept it. I also feel as though there are more times than not that I am five years ahead of everyone else. I feel as though I have been planning my purpose in making ripples in the world since age ten and my peers are only now starting to even think about such things and I am a senior in college. I have been a mini adult since I was 13 and realized I may have to take care of my parents and friends more often than they care for me. I am going to have to sit and wait until my peers go through their "experimental stage" and get ready to really live their lives. I will not meet a guy to meet my maturity level until I am graduated college and way on my way to success.....maybe 25-30 because thats when most men decide being with one woman the rest of their lives isn't such a bad thing. I will have to fake crazy bar nights and insane 21st birthdays because I love the people I celebrate them with, but honestly, I can't wait for them to catch up already. I am tired of people thinking the only way to feel like they are living is through an altered state of mind through drugs or alcohol. Im tired of meeting guys who do not have any problem lying to you to get a quick sex fix. Im exhausted with the endless parties and boring talk about "livin' it up" and "scoring some". Im just done. Im ready to travel. Im ready to experience things that are so naturally intense that I feel high with the overwhelming thought that there are things larger in life than my own life. I want to learn things and change lives. I want to see things that help me greater appreciate what I have and show me how to live my life sincerely and selflessly. That is what is important to me. It's so hard to live this way on my own and I cant wait till someone decides to catch up or walk in my direction....