To whom I write, but could never say

I wish someone would tell you that your world was not everyone's universe.
I wish I could be the one to turn you away.
I wish you knew that one day, she will leave you and you will never find another like her.
She opens her heart to let you in, only to discover you are like a sponge with a disgusting need to absorb all of her with an unquenchable thirst.
You take her time.
You take her emotions.
You take her devotion.
You have broken her to believe that she is your sole key to survival.
I know better.
In the end, she will awake and you will be left to leech on another woman who you will rely on to fix you.
Fix yourself. Be a man.
You don't deserve her.

masochist

He makes her insides twist,
but she stays
He never lets her know he cares
but she stays
He only calls her when its late at night
but she stays
He keeps her warm only to let her go
but she stays
He won't keep her
but she'll keep him
Why?

I couldn't agree more haha I feel like our generation is all about reality tv, money, and sex. I saw this on post secret and it made me giggle

If there were a "man store"

Wouldn't it be magical if there were a store where people could shop for their potential partner!? I mean, how wonderful would it be to have life's assholes already labeled for you. No more surprises or "oh shiiiit" moments,because hey, they would be labeled that way. I mean, lets say you like the good guys, they will have to have a clean track record before they can enter, five or less sexual partners....if not...he gets the boot. Wouldn't that make life so much more simplistic? Or those scary ex girlfriends you've had? WHo needs em? They can't enter if they have looked through their previous lovers phones or have the password to their facebook account. Done. I think at times dating is impossible, but hey, what would we have to talk about if we werent venting about the crazies? haha I guess life is just like that. If there ever happens to be a launch on the boyfriend/girlfriend store though, Id put a down payment on it.

Post Secret

I just went to the postsecret event at my campus arts center and I can't help but feel conflicted. It was a very powerful presentation of peoples secrets exposed. Some students shared being raped. Others confessed they hated themselves. I was shaken by their bravery, but also in awe of human nature. We all want to connect. We all want to feel as though we have something in common with someone. We always feel as though we are alone in our problems, but the reality is, we all have problems. Not a single person is perfect. All of us have secrets. I am an upfront person. I share what I know and what I feel and so entering this event, I could not think of anything to share because I said "I have no secrets". To my surprise, after hearing from others, suppressed things began to come back. I actually have many secrets. The most lie within my own denial of my inner truths that I have pushed aside. How did these people find the courage to share their innermost insecurities with two thousand people? I think deep down we all want to feel our existence. We want to be acknowledged. It is a very courageous act to share such things. Its a bravery I may never know.

Why don't you pick up the phone and call me?

Cath... such a sad, but great song

Cath.... she stands
With a well intentioned man
But she can't relax
With his hand on the small of her back
And as the flash bulbs burst
She holds a smile
Like someone would hold a bowl
Or a crying child

Soon everybody will ask
What became of you
'Cause your heart was dying fast
And you didn't know what to do

Cath..... it seems
That you live in someone else's dreams
In a hand-me-down wedding dress
With the things that could've been
All repressed

But you said your vows
And you closed the door
On so many men
Who would have loved you more

Soon everybody will ask
What became of you
'Cause your heart was dying fast
And you didn't know what to do

The whispers that it won't last
Run up and down the pews
But if their hearts were dying that fast
They'd have done the same as you

And I'd have done the same as you.

good song

Set The Fire To The Third Bar"


I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

Women

I have no idea how we expect men to understand us when I don't even have a clue as to why women are the way we are. We get mad at nothing. We take something small and make it huge! We take sides when we have no business to. We gossip. We travel in large groups or pairs and are incapable of being alone....even for a bathroom trip. Sometimes I feel so foreign to the female species, I have no idea where I fit?

the games we play

I am so tired of the social standards or what to do and what not to do! I mean, who says you can't wear white in February!? Why are women stereotyped as homosexual if they wear sweats everyday and a baseball cap? Why CAN'T I swear!? Who says I have to wait a certain amount of dates to make something official? Why does ANYTHING need to be official!? Why is there such a hype around every action people take!? It drives me insane. I have always felt I feel most comfortable marching to the beat of my own drum, but I feel like I am always on the outside because of it. I am blunt because I feel honesty in a person is a rare quality and why not tell things the way they are? I feel as though certain social standards of dating, conducting myself as a woman, education, and expectations hold me back. If I hold back on sex, which I do, im considered a prude. If I move too quick too soon, I'm a slut, but its okay for a man to bed as many women as he wants because "its a phase". BULL! I am not supposed to burp or find potty humor amusing, because I am expected to "be a lady". I wear sweatpants and a baseball hat at least four times a week. Its what I do. As soon as I dress in a sexy dress, I'm a slut? What? All of these social standards hold me down. DATING! OH such another realm all together. The girl, she can't be too forward because she will scare him off. She waits for the phone call. She plays hard to get. She is not supposed to let him know how much she likes him. What kind of backwards standard is that!? If I like a guy, I will tell him. If I want to talk to him, I want to call him. Who says its the guy's job to make the first move? Why can't I? I can probably do it better than he can :) Unfortunately it is this attitude that often gets me burned. I stick out. I was not raised to blend in. I like it, but it sure makes things much more difficult.

how can you have no idea?

I'm on, you're off. I'm free, you aren't. I catch a break, you're stuck. How is it we are always on different ends of the spectrum but we've always found eachother here and there? I wonder sometimes how you do not know. How can you really have no idea I've thought about you and me. Or Maybe you do and choose to pretend. Maybe it will never be. The best part is I can wait and see.

This song made me so nostalgic

Thirteen

We've been in the rain
We've been on the mountain
We've been round the fire

In fancy hotels
Drank water from farm wells
We sang with the choir

I kissed your dry lips
We jumped off the high cliffs
And splashed down below

Skin to skin
In the salty river
Made love in the shadow
Woooah ooh

Read books to each other
Read the mind of the other
Flew one thousand

We laughed and we cried
At movies and real life
In our ridiculous beds

We danced in the moonlight at midnight
We pressed against back doors and wooden floors
And you never faked it

And frequently
We ignored our love
But we could never mistake it
Oooh ooh

We met on the front porch
Fell in love on the phone
Without the physical wreck

You gave me the necklace
That used to hang
Around your mothers neck

We questioned religions
Fed bread to the pigeons
We learned how to pray

We stood by the ocean
Turned our hearts in to one
We laid in bed all day
Heeey

We skipped on the sidewalk
Skipped stones on the water
We skipped town

We've seen the sunrise with new eyes
We've seen the damage of gossip and true lies
We've seen the sun go down

Had passionate makeouts
And passionate freakouts
We built this world of our own

It was in the back of a taxi
When you told me you loved me
And that I wasn't alone

I usually can see these things coming, but I really wanted this one to work out....

why do I still miss him?

Amusing Lyrics

Rock N' Roll-Eric Hutchinson

He’s been waiting around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
To make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night

If he wanna rock he rocks
If he wanna roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wanna stay he stays
If he wanna go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forget the topical regrets
'Cause If she comes home all alone the nights a bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust if only in the morning
She knew where she lived

'Cause If she wanna rock she rocks
If she wanna roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wanna stay she stays
If she wanna go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na

And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They sing

If they wanna rock they rock
If they wanna roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they wanna stay they stay
If they wanna go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na...

How many times must I break before I am finally in pieces?

Just let me be. Get off me. Stop suffocating me. Trust me, I can make my own decisions. Don't second guess me. I do things for me. I own things for me. Understand more, control less. Be a guide, not an obstacle. There are things beyond my control. I dont bend that way. You cant make me fit into a mold that you made. I won't be who you want me to be so stop trying. Accept. Embrace. You can't change me. I won't change for you. Let me go and let me grow.

damn lucky

This summer I could have died. Not once, but twice. If I think about it, I could have died several times this summer. I should consider myself damn blessed. A bump in my back was found and thought to be suspicious. I was almost hit by a car when crossing the tolls in Boston. I got in a car accident damaging my car with a total of $2,000 worth of damage and I was left untouched. Blessed? I think so.

a separate piece

There are times when I feel like I am on a seperate course than everyone else. I don't know why, but I have the feeling I am the way I am for a very specific purpose. I sometimes feel as though I have the innocent playfullness of a six yer old child that so many of my friends have lost....some are lucky enough to have kept it. I also feel as though there are more times than not that I am five years ahead of everyone else. I feel as though I have been planning my purpose in making ripples in the world since age ten and my peers are only now starting to even think about such things and I am a senior in college. I have been a mini adult since I was 13 and realized I may have to take care of my parents and friends more often than they care for me. I am going to have to sit and wait until my peers go through their "experimental stage" and get ready to really live their lives. I will not meet a guy to meet my maturity level until I am graduated college and way on my way to success.....maybe 25-30 because thats when most men decide being with one woman the rest of their lives isn't such a bad thing. I will have to fake crazy bar nights and insane 21st birthdays because I love the people I celebrate them with, but honestly, I can't wait for them to catch up already. I am tired of people thinking the only way to feel like they are living is through an altered state of mind through drugs or alcohol. Im tired of meeting guys who do not have any problem lying to you to get a quick sex fix. Im exhausted with the endless parties and boring talk about "livin' it up" and "scoring some". Im just done. Im ready to travel. Im ready to experience things that are so naturally intense that I feel high with the overwhelming thought that there are things larger in life than my own life. I want to learn things and change lives. I want to see things that help me greater appreciate what I have and show me how to live my life sincerely and selflessly. That is what is important to me. It's so hard to live this way on my own and I cant wait till someone decides to catch up or walk in my direction....

I broke my toe last night while opening a door. Who else do you know that can say that?